I need some inspiration. I feel like I am stuck somewhere, that I am not present. Mind is wondering somewhere between home and away. My physical body tells me to slow down, by making me feel sick and dread tired. So instead of going to the park to listen Christmas carols, I stay inside the walls that once captured hundreds of inmates. I am watching the Map of Saturday, for the first time since Airlie Beach, Australia. Two German girls are somewhat bothering me, but I cannot escape anywhere, so to get some needed privacy, I dive into my warm blanket, wearing warm socks (finally found something to keep my feet warm) and by putting my earplugs on I soon began to relax and within that relaxation, fingers starts to type.
I haven’t been talking to anyone today, part of ordering lunch meal, trying a new backpack in Kathmandu store and buying some comfort food from nearby convenience store. I haven’t felt like spending time with anybody, few people from the hostel have asked how I am feeling, cos they knew I was sick. There is a one boy, with whom I wanted to have a chat, but instead of talking to him, I just smiled. He works at the hostel; he seems very shy, but somewhat interesting. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, because I am tired of answering those 3-5 questions. Where do you come from, where have you been, where are you going to, how long have you been traveling and what else, what’s your name. While we were on the road, me and Niko, we almost made t-shirts, which would answer all of those questions, so that people would actually ask something else. I thought about asking what kind of toothpaste they are using. Something no one would ever ask.
Whenever I am sick, I miss my mom. We have been calling, she’s been supportive, like she always is, but when I’m sick, she gives me a bigger boost. Something I cannot explain. She makes me feel comfortable even though I am not home. I was stressing a bit when M was so enthusiastically planning my trip, so I needed to slow down and just do nothing for few days. Even walking around the city, was too much. I needed someone close to me to tell me, its okay if I don’t go to all of those places she suggested me to go. I won’t be able to see all, of course not, but I rather spend few days extra in places where I can go. There might be more to what I am experiencing now, but I like it here. I love the hostel, it’s a bit far from the center, but it’s unique and it feels like home. ChCh is a lovely city; I’m amazed why M told me to skip this place. There is a little river, going through the city, small houses, gardens everywhere, maybe a bit unusual people. Old tram is slowly making its way through the city. You can see damages all over the city, after the earthquake last month. People are relaxed, you can spot a tourist easily, and everybody seems to have a tattoo or a piercing. Asian people are selling souvenirs; ducks are swimming against the current. Life is simple here; people are trying to recover from the quake.
I have noticed that even though people seem nice here, Australians are more talkative and polite. I know when they ask you “how’s a going”, they don’t expect you to answer truthfully, but here, people don’t do much small talking, like in Australia. And they don’t smile all the time, like Aussies do. Men here are more like “real men”, they are more muscular and in a way, better looking. Surfers just didn’t work for me. I prefer something real, eih J
One thing about this film is funny: how the people react when they hear that he is going to travel the world and spend a year abroad. that’s sick, and you gonna do this alone?!
The best part of the film, is the German dude, who says: "maybe in fifty or sixty years I am dead, I wanna say I had a good life." That’s why I am doing this, right now. I know if I hadn’t got the tickets to go home, I wouldn’t feel like this, but going home, it’s so close now and so you have to start preparing yourself for the return. I have traveled a lot in my life, so I know how it goes. You are excited to go back, see your friends and all that, but within few weeks, the excitement wears off and you start realizing that you are back to daily routines. Back from the life on a road. Somehow I need to keep in mind, that it’s just for few months and then I am really off, doing long-term travelling. I have thought about going other places too, rather than just spend a year in Australia. It’s only the beginning. Maybe I found myself somewhere in Asia, having quite time in Bali or exploring the spice markets in Bangalore. Who knows where I’ll end up, but the nicest thing is that I don’t have to know where I end up. I am just going to enjoy the ride and hopefully along the way, I meet more great people, who advise me, who take care of me, whom I take care of. But I think I want more challenge after this, communication with a language you already know, it’s not challenging enough. Or maybe it is, but for some reason, I am more afraid to travel somewhere else, where life wouldn’t be so easy. But if others can do it, why couldn’t I?
I don’t really know how I feel about going home. I know it’s going to be the same; I am the one who has changed. And they won’t understand me the way I’d like them to. Because they haven’t been with me. And I know they are not interested about my stories, or the people that I’ve met, but that’s how it goes. In a way I am happy that this hasn’t been my first trip, so I know what to expect and how to survive.
I might never find what I am looking for, and that worries me. What if I never find the peace and tranquility that I long for. For once, I’d like to be ones number one.
And what is comes to meeting people again, after you have once met them. Hmm, probably I’m never going to meet them again, unless we see some effort. There have been few people that I have met, we might have spent few hours or few days together, and after years, we are still in touch, we still see each other like once a year, because we mean something to each other. And if a person is really important to me, I travel miles to meet him/her again. I have done it many times, hopped on a plane and paid a visit. I still get postcards from the people that I have met along the way and it’s awesome. But like everything in life, keeping in touch have to be mutual. If I would have a chance to spend few hours with someone dear to me, even if it took hours to get there, I would do it. My dearest friend, she traveled across Belgium to meet her friend, just to spend 1 hour at the airport with her. And that’s how I do it too. If I have the chance, I go for it. Too bad not many people are willing to do the same. One should never say to me that come and visit me, unless they really mean it, because I might actually do that. Because I take the invitation literally. When I plan my trips, I actually do them too. That’s why I hate people who just talks about traveling somewhere and doing stuff, because it’s all just talks. And the best trips that I have done, have been spontaneous, let’s leave tomorrow and off we go.
But I am thinking more home now. I have less then three weeks left and I am already half way going home. But I kind of like it, I know I love it first and then hate being in the cold weather, but I know my country, I know how depressed people are and I know I cannot change the culture there, so I just have to deal with it. I know I cannot talk to the strangers like I can here, because it’s not the same. And I also know, that when I go back, I am the same. I adjust to the atmosphere, and probably think too, that what are you looking at or why do you want to talk to me, I don’t know you. Yesterday I was reading the news and the darkest time in Lapland has already started. But I miss my home, my lovely flat. It’s warm there, I have my woolen socks, I can burn candles, watch movies, use my lovely Mac. And eat good food!!
Can’t wait to get back home J
Ei kommentteja:
Lähetä kommentti